If PoKeMoN was Realistic (Animation)
(Litten Use Ember) (It’s Super Effective) (Inhaled deeply) MY BEAUTIFUL FUCKING FACE!!! WHY WOULD YOU LET ME BATTLE HIM!? YOU KNOW YOU ONE POKÉMON WAS WEAK AGAINST HIS ONE POKÉMON! Ah shucks! I guess I lost. (Returning to Pokéball)
I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU! Well, you won fair and square! Here’s $100.00! Uh, I don’t know if I feel comfortable taking a hundred bucks from you… Fair is fair! Hey, lads! “PoKeMoN Sun and Moon Realistic”, we’ll be right back… But first, we’ve got a promotion with amino and I am here to tell you all about it. We’re partnering with amino to bring you some exclusive stories that you’re not gonna find anywhere else. Only on amino! We’ve posted a few stories on amino already and they’re already starting to get attention. It’s really cool. The more you watch our stuff on amino and our videos on amino, the more exclusive content we’re going to send to you, on amino! Original animations, behind the scene footage questions and answers, sketch comedies maybe. We’d actually like to hear your suggestions for the kind of videos and stories that we put on amino. So let us know, on amino! There you need to make sure you like comment and turn on notifications So that you can get our content on amino, as soon as it comes out. You guys are the reason we do what we do! We love making you laugh with our animations and we’re wanting to do that a lot more, with short form content. Now coming to amino. So make sure you check out our profile and give us a follow on amino. See you over there! Well, Cam. You have successfully embarrassed, my idiot grandson. Wooo! Let’s hang out tomorrow and talk about, “How big of a bitch”, he is. I love being in a news! God, It’s like your prozac takes prozac. I can’t wait to meet a “Prozac”. What island do we find that Pokemon on? My life… could not end sooner. Hey, Mom! I got my Pokémon! (Meowth attack Litten)
(Meowth: I’M THE ALPHA, BOI!) (OH MY ARCEUS! OoO) All right, Cam, I’m gonna show you the most important thing you’re gonna encounter on your Pokémon journey… “How to catch other Pokémon!” But I already have, Litten. Why would I need to catch any more? Because Capitalism, Cam. Because the acquiring of every material possession available is the only thing that gives our worthless lives meaning… Oh, there’s one right now! Go Rockruff! (Bark Bark!) Watch closely, Cam. The trick to catching a Pokemon is to… With like I did with Li- WEAKEN WITH BLOOD FORCE TRAMA!!! (Rockruff use: BLOOD FORCE TRAMA!)
(Pikipek screams in agonizing pain) (It’s super effective!)
(Pikipek: (Pain) Why? Pokéball: SUCCESS! Here’s some Pokéballs so you can do exactly what I just did to Pikipek. (Danger closing in) What just happened!? Wha- What’s happening!? Why di- You looked at me! Should I not have done that!? NOW WE FIGHT! (Alolan Rattata) YO! (Litten) I have to remember my training. Litten! Use Ember! (Litten used Ember) (Alolan Rattata scream in pain) FIRE IN MY FACE!!! Well… You have weaken my Rattata, but you’ll never… (Cam capture Alolan Rattata from a trainer) Alright! I did it! What the… YOU CAN’T! I’m great at this! BRING BACK MY FUCKIN RATTATA! Ladies and gentlemen, we’re about to begin our ceremony. On this side of the stage, my grandson, Hau. Who is really good at… (Looking at Hau’s index card) What is… watching… Hentai? Anime porn. Oh my god, and on this side of the stage… the boy I wish was my grandson. Someone who will probably save the universe and the Pokemon as a species as we know it! Cam. (Hau applause for Cam) Hooray! So don’t applaud for him, you stupid- FIGHT! (Rowlet) This is going to be a great battle! (Litten used Ember)
(It’s super effective!)
(Rowlet’s burned) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME?!! WERE YOUR FUCKIN TIE!!! (Rowlet fainted due to type disadvantage) Cam is the winner! WHAT! I’M NOT DONE! You’re…not done? Go, Pichu! (Pichu) Pichu! (Litten used Ember) Pichu: (scream in pain) (Pichu returns to Hau’s Pokéball in burning defeat) Okay, yep, now I’m done. Cam is a winner! (Disappointing tone) Yay! Go, Cam! Go, Cam! Go, Cam! Please stop. This is so embarrassing. Thanks for the show buddy.
(Putting all his savings into Cam’s pocket) (Hala slap Cam’s right wrist with a Z-Ring) Here… Take this Z-Ring and run! But, what is the Z-Ring… RUN! GET OUT! GO! HE’LL KEEP PUTTING MONEY DOWN YOUR PANTS! (Cam runs) (Hau’s mind: No infinite money?) And you’re sure that the professor’s lab is this way? I think so? It’s hard to tell, because the first time I was taken there… I was unconscious. Uh, is there a reason, or story, why you were unconscious? Uh, I wouldn’t know, would I? I was unconscious. Geez, pay attention. I still can’t believe my mom just gave me $30,000.00 for my Pokemon Adventure! Curious where she got the money. Pew!
(She (Bleep)) YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU SICK FUCK!
(Never ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) (Hard Rock Music in Kukui’s Lab) YEAH! TAKE IT! (Groan in enjoyment) HARDER! COME ON! I CAN TAKE IT HARDER! GO, ROCKRUFF! Oh, it sounds like Professor Kukui is hard at work again. When you say… “The hard work”… Do you mean… He’s working hard. Like…you mean, “He’s currently very focus doing his job?” Or… Yeah. What else do I mean? Nothing! Nothing! I-I’ll take your word for it! E-Everything he’s doing in there has NOTHING to do with his penis! Why would it- (Whisper) I’ll tell you when you’re older. Oh! You guys made it! Here you go! (Rotom Dex) This is a Poké Dex and there’s a Pokémon trap inside. What? It’s totally normal. Just go with it. Also come inside my lab right now. There’s- you couldn’t- Z- bye! (Running back into his lab) (Door close) Did he say, “There’s… A Pokémon inside this Poké-Dex”? (Awaken ROTOM DEX) Hey! I’m you new Poké-Dex and we’re going to be BEST FRIENDS! OH, JESUS CHRIST! I will NEVER leave you alone! Cam! If you give this nice lady your Pokémon… She’ll heal them for free. T-Ha! Yeah, right. Free? Of course it’s free. Are… are there civilized places in the world where health care isn’t both free and a basic human right? Just heal my Pokémon, please. Well, Cam. This is the “Trainer School.” Once you beat four students here… You can get on with your Journey. Is this the trainer you were talking about last night, Kukui? Yeah! Last night? Wait… I thought you said, “You were with my mom”, last night? (Both in Sync)
We were. DI- DE- LA! LA! LA! LA! DON’T WANNA HEAR MORE! (GROAN) Well, if you can’t hear me, you won’t be able to accept this, EXPERIENCE SHARE ITEM! What’s that? This small device will let all of your Pokémon and battle gain experience points. Whether they were fighting or not. Ah, that… sounds like something that I should realistically not get until WAY later. Do you want it or not? I’ll take it! Okay, I beat all of your students! Side note! Why have you given a bunch of preschoolers, deadly Pokémon? So they can protect themselves. Duh. But… Pokémon are dangerous. Pokémon don’t kill people, Cam. People kill people. And why did you give them all over $100? So they can buy guns. Ah! That makes sense. Your lesson is almost complete, but now… You must defeat me! Let’s see how you deal with my all-powerful… MAGNEMITE! (Cam chooses Litten) (Annoying tone) God damn it. (Litten use Ember) (It’s super effective)
(Magnemite fainted) All right! Fine! Well, good luck against… My Meowth! (Alolan Meowth) Meowth! (Litten Vietnam Flashback) Not again, you kitten fuck! (Litten using Scratch in the most gruesome way possible) (Alolan Meowth suffers in agony) WHY ME?!! (Alolan Meowth suffers in agony) WHY?!?!? (Cam witness his first murder by Litten) (Teacher Emily was lied to by her parents for all these years and is now paralyze in shock) (Alolan Meowth finally died) (Murd-) (I’mean, cue Victory Music) Uh…Uh… I won. (Chuckled nervously) Cam. I’d like to introduce you to Captain, Ilima. The captain around these parks. Heard you absolutely decimated the school teacher in there. Yeah, I’ve probably got a lawsuit headed my way. Well, I’m looking forward to seeing how you’ll deal with your first trial. As captain of the island, I’ll be the one who guides you through it and if you win, you’ll move on to fight the island Kahuna. Wow, this sure is a lot for me to take on my ‘second’ day of my Pokémon Adventure. Well, you know what they say… You either devote your life to Pokemon or you can shut the fuck up like a little bitch and lose your virginity To a microwaved watermelon. (Whisper) That’s a Teddy Roosevelt qua- (Whisper back) I know. My trial is held in Verdant Cavern. I hope to see you there soon. (Carried away by a Charizard) Wa- Was that supposed to happen? Don’t worry, you’ll get a chance to do that later on too. But… What if I choose life? (Mysterious roar is calling from afar) The hell was that!? (Cam running to see the sight) Uh, Stay back, Cam! I made the mistake of milking what I thought was a female Tauros. But let’s not act like it was a total waste, because whatever shot out of that thing is STILL DELICIOUS! (Cam thoughts: Ew!) Easy, boy. Easy now. Quick, Cam. Uh, come pet the Tauros. Ya- You’ll help calm him down. Should I pet it, Grandpa? No, you should get the fuck away from me and move out of my house! CAM! QUICKLY! (Cam got closer to the angry Tauros) (Nervous) I can’t believe I’m doing this. (Cam pet the angry Tarous) (Tarous instantly calms down and now’s happy) Oh my god, It worked? QUICK! KNOCK HIM WHILE IT DOESN’T SUSPECT YOU! WHAT!? (Hala’s laughter) I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding Well, I’m gonna go now. Uh, thanks for petting my Tauros, Cam. Bye, Grandpa! Don’t come home. Hey, uh, before you go on your trial. We should all take a tour of the city. Hey, that sounds like fun! Cam, you’re rich, aren’t you? I guess for my age… I am! Ah sweet! I bet with all of your money, you can afford a single hair cut! Uh, maybe. I kind of like the way I look right now… Oh my God, we get it. You’re White. You DON’T need to rub it in. T-that’s not what I- off to EXPLORE! Do you guys ever get caught up in weird existential thoughts? No. It is my petrol state. Don’t you think it’s weird that when we die we’re buried in our clothes? Uh… Like, that’s weird, right? That there are a bunch of clothes skeletons living in the ground right now. Well, they wouldn’t be living. Don’t get caught up on semantics, Cam. It’s weird. and you’re weird If you don’t think it’s weird. I guess I just wouldn’t want a bunch of people seeing me naked at my funeral. But you’re dead. W- What problem is it to you? Just doesn’t seem tactful. I- I- I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE! STOP IT!
OH MY GOD! Wait, Cam! You have to come with me for a second! (Hau slides Cam into a Camera Store) That’s right. This camera attaches itself to your pokédex. So you could take pictures wherever you go. That sounds great and all, but how much is it? Silly boy, It’s absolutely free. Wait, you’re just gonna give me a camera for free? Of course. By the way, do you guys happen to sell any drinks? I’m parched. We do~♫ A glass of lemonade will be $200.00 What a bargain! Here’s your camera sir. Have a great day. (High pitch voice) Let’s go try it out! YOU’RE TOO FAR AWAY! I should get closer? YEAH! SCOOT BACK! (Hau scoots back)
(Pikachu turns the other way) H- HANG ON! PIKACHU ISN’T LOOKING THIS WAY ANYMORE! THROW SOMETHING AT IT TO GET IT’S ATTENTION! (Hau throws a rock from his pocket at Pikachu)
(Pikachu’s knocked out) Whoops, I think I knocked it out. Hey! Did you just knock out my Pikachu? I was trying to get a good picture. I’LL GIVE YOU A GOOD PICTURE! (Fisherman choke Hau with his fishing line)
(Hau’s gagging for air) HOLD IT! RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! AAAND… Perfect! You know, I feel like today is a great day. I can’t think of a single thing. That would bring me down. (Cam thoughts: Me and my big mouth.)
♫ We’re gonna bust a move, then bust your ass. We’re gonna bust a groove then bust a cattle. ♫ ♫ All up in your ass! ♫ ♫ All up in your ass.♫ ♫ Gonna get up… ♫ ♫ In your ass. ♫ ♫ Ass. ♫ ♫ Yes. ♫ Skull Boy: ♫ Smelly, smelly, ass. ♫
Skull Girl: ♫ Smelly, smelly, smelly, ass. ♫ (Both in Sync)
♫ Word! ♫ Ah! I see I’ve underestimated the total ineptitude of white rappers. I don’t think you have to worry much about these guys, Cam. They never been a danger to anyone’s asses around these parks. Yo, that some harsh shit bra. For real! We’re the kings of ass around here. You really want to be known as, “The King of Ass?” Shut up, man! We’re here to take your bitch-ass Pokémon. So nut off! Here we go, BITCH! (Cam thoughts: NANI!?) I’m sorry. Did you just tell me to “nut off”? (🔥GET THEM!🔥)